Tips for Portraying Parents Talking with Teens about Contraception
Each year in the United States nearly 850,000 teens experience pregnancy, mostly unintentionally. U.S. teens also experience nearly four million sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) each year. A critical issue in reducing these numbers is encouraging teens to use contraception consistently and correctly. Parents can play an important role in helping young people to utilize their own values, aspirations, and expectations in deciding the appropriate time in life for initiating sexual intercourse. Parents can also provide teens with important information about contraception and encourage them to use contraception correctly and consistently.
When you portray characters having "the talk," portray parents who:
- Educate themselves about the specifics of contraception and STDs. You can portray parents going to the bookstore or library or using the Internet to learn about:
- Contraception, including emergency contraception, and about condoms.
- How contraceptives work, the cost of various methods, side effects, pros and cons of each method, and where teens can go for information and services.
- STDs—gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, genital warts, and HIV—including ways they are transmitted, symptoms, risks, and treatment options.
- Carefully explain their own feelings and values about sexual intercourse and contraceptive use. When talking, parents should include personal memories and values. Values that are related to contraceptive and condom use include respect for self and partner, responsibility, and trust. Other values pertinent to discussing contraception may include, but are not limited to, those related to life, children, and future aspirations.
- Listen carefully. Only by listening to their teen's feelings and values will parents understand how he/she approaches decisions, including sexual decisions. When parents understand their teen's values, they can ask questions that help the teen clarify how to act consistently with those values. For example, a teen might say, "I believe that too many children need homes and there are too many people in the world." This is an opportunity to ask what actions related to preventing pregnancy would be consistent with that value.
- Avoid assumptions.
- Parents should not assume that their teen knows everything he/she needs to know about contraception and condoms. Parents should assure their teen that knowledge is power and that they want him/her to have the power that comes from knowledge. They should also assure their teen that they will not make assumptions based on the teen's questions or concerns.
- Parents should not make assumptions about the teen's sexual orientation or about his/her sexual behavior based on that orientation.
- Parents should not assume that there is only one kind of sexual intercourse. Many teens are having oral and/or anal intercourse, believing that this is not "sex." Parents should be clear with their teen that all these types of intercourse are sexual intercourse and are behaviors that necessitate protection.
- Arm their teen with information. Parents should talk with their teen about what they have learned about contraception, including condoms and emergency contraception. They should encourage their teen to seek out further information and to decide what method would be right for him/her. And, they should say that being prepared in advance is always the intelligent, mature choice. Parents should make sure their teen knows where he/she can go for confidential sexual health services, including contraception and STD testing and treatment.
- Be sure that their teen has information about contraception and condoms regardless of his/her sexual orientation. Gay and lesbian teens sometimes have sexual intercourse with members of the opposite gender in order to hide their sexual orientation. Any young person may experiment. Regardless of sexual orientation, all youth need to know how to prevent pregnancy as well as STDs.
- Discuss using condoms as well as birth control. Teens need to know that contraceptive methods, such as birth control pills, Depo-Provera, and the IUD, don't protect against STDs. Teens need to know that they can contract STDs, including HIV, from unprotected vaginal, anal, or oral intercourse. For best protection, a teen and his/her partner need to use both condoms and another form of birth control. Parents can consider making condoms available in their home.
- Make sure their teen knows about emergency contraception—which can be taken to prevent pregnancy up to 72 hours after unprotected intercourse or when a contraceptive method fails.
- Encourage their teen to take equal responsibility with a partner for using condoms and birth control. Just as a male should not be the only one responsible for providing condoms, so a female should not be the only one responsible for providing for other forms of contraception. Protection is a mutual responsibility within a caring relationship.
- Discuss being "swept away." Many teens say they did not use condoms or contraception because they "just got swept away." Be clear that this is not okay. Anyone who is mature enough to have sexual intercourse is mature enough to use protection.
- Discuss sexual coercion and dating violence with their teen. Parents should make sure that their teen knows she/he has the right to say no and the right to be safe. Parents should make sure their teen knows that he/she can come to them or another trusted adult if a relationship involves or threatens to involve coercion or violence. Parents should sure their teen knows that it is both illegal and contrary to their family's values to use coercion or violence against anyone else. Parents should help teens identify ways to avoid/get away from sexual situations that feel uncomfortable or dangerous.
- Identify with their teen the names of other adults to whom he/she can go if unable or unwilling to come to them. This could be a relative, clergy member, health care provider, or friend, but they should identify the person as someone their teen can trust for confidential guidance and support. Parents should give their teen permission to confide in someone else and say that these conversations will remain confidential although the other adult may encourage the teen to involve them.
- Consider incorporating the Rights. Respect. Responsibility.® philosophy into their value system, especially in relation to talking about sexual health and contraception with their teen.
- RESPECT their young person's RIGHT to confidential sexual and reproductive health services. Parents should share with their teen what to expect at his/her first visit for sexual health services. Then, ensure that their teen has private sessions with the health care provider. Private sessions empower teens to discuss issues honestly with the provider and to go for care when they need it.
- Parents should encourage their teen to take RESPONSIBILITY for her/his personal sexual and reproductive health needs. They should also provide support so teens can make and keep appointments for annual medical exams and other needed health care.
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